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3/16/24
The Fork in the Road
You trust when you’re naive because you don't know you can be burnt. There is no moral/ethical judgment to be made on this action- it is simple naivete. You took a step forward into darkness that you weren’t aware could burn you. But once you have been burned, once one’s trust has been betrayed, the essence of trust evolves, and the process forks two-fold. One can retain their naivete and take those steps forward believing they can’t be hurt again, or, one can recognize that they’ve been burnt and realize that they may be burned yet again. When this is realized, often at a young age, one typically refrains from ever taking a step into the darkness again, for they know the potential flame may lie just beyond view. However, when one knows that and yet chooses to step into said darkness anyway, what does it become? It cannot remain naive trust, as they were well aware they may be burnt yet again. Thus, it rather becomes courageous trust. One can recognize this simply by understanding the nature of courage itself, for courage is not the lack of fear, but the recognition and transcension of it. As such, brave trust does not forego the knowledge that they may be burned, but instead accepts this, and trusts anyway. Regardless of this wisdom, many who discover this, such as myself, cannot help but ask themselves, Why? Why risk being burned when I can guarantee I never am? To put it plainly, it's not that simple. Sure, one can go on down this path, but to those who walk it, it soon becomes clear that, by its very nature, it is a rather lonely path. You forgo the benefits of intimacy, closeness, and friendship, electing rather to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself. At first, this feels like the wise choice. Further down the path however, one comes to realize the mistake in this; the terrain gets rough, your spirit gets low, you’ve fallen into the mud. Your first instinct is to cry for help. You may not need it, in fact you’re probably just overreacting, but a helping hand and a shoulder to lean on couldn’t hurt, in fact, it would help more than you realize. But as the cry leaves your mouth, you quickly realize the sound falls only on the deaf ears of the trees and earth surrounding you, for you chose to walk alone. At this point, you notice the path forks two-fold yet again. You may either perform an endless doubling-down on your initial decision, continuing to walk this lonely road, or you may look yet again into the darkness and ask yourself: Will I allow my fear to define me? Can it truly be worse than this?
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3/23/24
The Sailor
To be a master of the seas, one does not suppress the waves, but the opposite. He feels them, allowing them to flow through him completely. But, in this flow and feeling of the waves, he is merely a spectator. Like a larger ship passing his smaller one, the sailor pauses, allowing it to drift by. He sees the wake of the larger ship come nearer and nearer, but does not let it throw him off course. Rather, he lets it wash over him, rocking the boat. But just as quickly as it comes, it goes, and the sea is once again smooth. He who does this knows the danger of the wake, and thus can learn to master it, to prepare for the next one, as he knows they will never stop coming. He who does not, who steers clear of all ships to avoid the wake, knows not its danger. Inevitably, a time will come when he can not steer clear, and must face the seas. And pray for him when he does, as knowing not of the danger, he knows not what he needs to prepare. Then the wake hits, and suddenly, all the ship’s contents– and even he, begins to slip overboard, and down into the depths he goes…
Written 2/6/23
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